So Much Can Happen In Seconds

Although this is not a review of the series I did find it engagingly entertaining. But for our purposes here I quote the father’s guidance to his son on saving the world: “Start small. Seconds, not decades.” He went on, “So much can happen in a matter of seconds. One can overthrow an empire. One could fall in love.”

This message, so much can happen in seconds, reminded me how important seconds can be in relationships. A single word or phrase uttered in seconds can markedly change your world and the lives of others in it, positively or negatively… forever. I’ve been on both sides of that equation.

You never know when what you say will have that lasting impact; when a few words can uplift a life or undermine a business or personal relationship, possibly forever. What you choose to say or not say, even one time, can cement or permanently undermine a relationship. This is true with your co-workers, your family, your friends, children if you have them and even strangers.

Seconds Change Relationships  

After completing a training session at a client’s I sat down briefly with one of their managers. I learned that the prior year she had lost her husband of 25 years. She said to me, “These young people need to understand the importance and power that a few words and a few seconds can bring to your most important relationships. Every day when my husband came home from work he would give me a long hug and always say, ‘This is the best part of my day.’ Of all my 25 years of marriage it’s those words and hugs that I remember the most. And on his last day he was unconscious in the hospital, I hugged him as he died and told him, ‘This is the best part of my day.’ And I know he heard me.”

Today a pandemic, the resulting economic downturn, quarantining, political hostility, and a contagion of formal and social media bitterness have many of us stressed, sometimes on the edge of hostility. As a result positive seconds made up of positive words and actions are more important and more impactful than ever.

Look for and create the moments to say and do positive things in your relationships. It is remarkable how an unsought kindness can change someone’s bearing. A sincerely happy, “Good Morning!” can alter a person’s direction for a day, or much longer. An encouraging word or a truly interested question delivered to a temporarily beaten and dispirited soul can be a memory that buoys them up for a lifetime.  The right words spoken at the right time can have an immense disproportional positive impact in comparison to the few seconds it takes to utter them.

The reverse is also true.  The wrong word spoken with anger, spite or sarcasm can have a lasting negative effect on valued relationships. Harsh and bitter words delivered in seconds cannot be erased and can leave a scar that never fully mends. How many times have you regretted something you said…that you wished you could take back or had responded to in a better way?

In my work I have dealt with so many individuals who have told me that words delivered in anger were the ruination of important relationships in their lives. Reacting without thinking, especially to negative emotions and stimuli, surrenders the command we have to direct our words and direct the seconds that make up our lives.

Seconds of Silence

Viktor Frankl in his indispensable work, Man’s Search for Meaning observed “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

When you are angry, fearful or tired that important space can disappear, distorting your perception and objectivity. Brain studies clearly show that your emotional limbic system kicks in fractions of a second before your reasoning brain. By consciously creating seconds of silence after someone’s stimulus, you create the space to rationally choose your desired outcome and response in words and tone.

Ask yourself what is the entirety of outcome you want from this conversation and this person? Do you just want immediate gratification… or is it something different, something more important? Is it to one-up them to prove they are wrong? Is it to move your team or organization forward? Is it a relationship that you want to be mutually caring and personally fulfilling over the long term?

Use these seconds of silence to search for a common ground, formulate a more positive question or request some time to think the issue through (and calm down if needed). Such life changing seconds help free you from negative emotions, add to your growth and to the growth of your relationships and positive influence.

Often the people in your life mask their need for direction, solace or assurance that someone values who they are and who they could be. You never know when a few seconds of positive attention, especially when delivered regularly, can change a life.

Even in the relationships we think we know well we should be mindful of what words and actions we bring to our shared seconds. Accentuate the positives; avoid unnecessary negatives.

Today and every day one of the biggest impacts you may have could actually take you the least amount of time. Invest in elevating someone’s spirit with a bit of encouragement, appreciation or caring interest. In these challenging times you will change moments, and lives for the better, including your own. So much good can happen in seconds.