Life’s vicissitudes have never delivered to current generations an experience like this: a global virus threatening our lives and livelihoods…the world shut down. For most of us it will change our ongoing life perspective. What have we learned so far to help us going forward?
(Average reading time 180 seconds)
Admiration
There has been both a calm and boisterous recognition of how much we admire each other. We quietly appreciate the hundreds of millions of fellow citizens who have been protective of us, and themselves…staying at home, Zooming, supporting and encouraging family, friends and strangers.
Around the world there have been thousands of small as well as citywide demonstrative shows of admiration for and pride in the doctors and nurses and EMTs, the grocery store order pickers, the delivery people and the many others who keep showing up to protect and feed us all, despite the risks.
Last week the Washington Post reported on 43 men who staged a “live in”, working and living for 28 days inside the Braskem petrochemical plant in Marcus Hook, Pa. Their plant produces the basic materials for face masks and surgical gowns. To avoid having any one of them becoming sick and slowing production they never left the plant, sleeping on air mattresses, cooking their meals and working 12-hour shifts day and night. Half-way through the month their families staged a drive by parade with honking horns and signs as the workers waved through the windows.
Joe Boyce, a plant supervisor told Megan Flynn the Post reporter that “We were just happy to help.” After the story broke they were barraged with messages of gratitude. “We’ve been getting messages on social media from nurses, doctors, EMS workers, saying thank you for what we’re doing. But we want to thank them for what they did and are continuing to do.”
Such celebrations of our mutual support show a caring and defiant commitment that we value each other. This valuing, liking, admiring is life affirming at a time when we are called to acknowledge how precious each of our everyday lives are. This life affirming trait, finding things to admire and value in each other, is a lesson to carry forward for a more fulfilled and deep-rooted life.
Fear and Joy
As Covid19’s tumult has engulfed the world it has carried with it a sobering anxiety. Beyond the reasonable concerns it has brought more immediacy to a deeper truth…our fear of mortality. But that mortal fear also brings an unprecedented opportunity to give ourselves prompting permission to become fuller, more passionate, compassionate and joyous human beings.
This past Sunday my wife and I attended a small graveside funeral of her deeply loved brother. He had fought and lost his battle with Covid19. We wore our masks and practiced extreme distancing but wanted…needed to be there to honor and deepen even more our bond to the gentlest, yet strong and extremely caring man we have ever known. A man of few words he never lacked for a heartfelt smile, a small joke, a listening and concerned ear. He did and will continue to remind us of the deep value of human connection.
Acceptance of our own mortality, and that of all the people we are connected to can give us the freedom to openly and often express our love; to forgive; to apologize. It is a prompt to examine what truly counts most in our life and to put our time where those values are.
When we are in touch with our own mortality it seems silly to be over-occupied with little annoyances. They can be replaced so easily with thoughts and actions with and for those people and things of beauty and goodness that we value the most.
As we progress to the “more normal” let’s remember our mortality, and how precious a normal day is. Use this reminder of our mortal fear as the lesson and prompt to celebrate with joy the beauty and most valued parts of each day we do have.
Imperfection
We are now debating and moving into phases of reopening states, regions and our own individual lives. There is no certainty about what to do and when to do it.
As is the case in everyday work and life, but on a bigger scale, there are sometimes no best decisions, only least lousy ones. Decision making is the act of choosing between two or more courses of action, but we have to remember there may not be a “correct” decision and rarely a perfect one among the available choices.
Right now, everyone is evaluating insufficient information. Plans and decisions will be imperfect. There is no certainty of outcomes and every plan will have its costs.
Our choices and behavior will be impacted by whether we can work from home or must go back to a common workplace to do our jobs, or we’re young and more resistant or older, or pregnant or otherwise more at risk or have family at risk. By region, by state, by community and individually we all have different upbringings, exposures and cultures that shape our knowledge, expectation and choices.
That is good, as from that comes a diversity of ideas and solutions that we can evaluate and make better. In present circumstances we need to observe and judge objectively and reverse what is performing most imperfectly.
What we don’t want to do individually and culturally is be disappointed when an outcome turns out better than expected even though it wasn’t a plan we supported; or secretly cheer when outcomes are bad for those who don’t share our supported direction. We are all trying to come out on the other side of this alive, well and happy.
Let’s do that together by remaining admirable in supporting and respecting others’ needs, deriving strength and determination from our common fear, celebrating more the joy to be found in every day and accepting we and all our plans will be imperfect.
I wish for you and yours good health and happiness.
Quotes
“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping’.”
“There is no normal life that is free of pain. It’s the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth.”
“All of us, at some time or other, need help. Whether we’re giving or receiving help, each one of us has something valuable to bring to this world. That’s one of the things that connects us as neighbors—in our own way, each one of us is a giver and a receiver.”
Fred McFeely Rogers (1928-2003) was an American television personality, writer, producer, and Presbyterian minister. He was the creator of the preschool television series Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood.
Just as you have and continue to train your brain to Achieve, you can and should train your brain to Enjoy. Enjoyment is a practiced habit. To get more from life, you need to study and practice enjoyment daily. A suggestion – spend some time each day reading or listening to something that makes you laugh or smile.