Change can stress us out, sometimes devastatingly so. Yet everything changes…the world, the weather, your job, your body, it’s health, other people, even things you take for granted. We can make our brains and our bodies smile more when we prepare and practice ways to acknowledge, adjust and take advantage of life’s changes, big and small.
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For the last three weeks my home and home office have been besieged by a small army of remodelers. Almost everything from floor to ceiling in every room is changing simultaneously in what has turned out to be a tumultuous, intrusive and unpredictable process. Last night for example I went to take a shower in what was the currently designated usable bathroom and… the shower was gone.
My wife steered me to another bathroom that was now available and confirmed that everyone from the construction team had left for the evening. However, coming down the stairs wrapped only in a towel, I was greeted by a crew of six that had returned for some end of the day cleanup. I took a calming breath and smiled. I was beginning to accept these unexpected changes as routine.
Such acceptance of the inevitability of change is doable, but not easy for most of us. We humans are creatures of habit. Our neural networks like certainty. We thrive on predictability and the sense of control it gives us. When what we expect to happen in our job or personal life changes, our brain registers an error gap and tension that crave correction. In search of a solution our brain circuitry burns additional energy often diminishing our performance and life outlook, sometimes devastatingly so. This stressful energy and attitude drain is often more detrimental to us than the unforeseen outcome of the change we are stressing over. What to do?
The answer is to program new synaptic connections in your brain to accept change as a predictable life variable that will arrive for you every day. You can do this by engraining simple techniques into daily patterns that take advantage of positive changes and help overcome or accept negative ones.
Just Say “Hi” – Program Positive Expectations and Acceptance of Change
I’ve learned that taking a breath and expressing a knowing smile, as I did on my stairs, is an immediate trigger to more positively manage through change. Whether we perceive a change as good or bad when it arrives, as it will every day, it helps to just smile, and say “Hi. I was expecting you.” As simple as it seems this small physical and verbal expression creates neural pathways that replace negative internal resistance with a positive greeting, and reminds your brain that this is no surprise. It is just the routine of change that makes up your life.
Another demonstrated way to overcome our apprehension of change is to initiate it. Be brave enough to face your initial fears and explore. You will find the world is not that daunting and it is filled with potentially life enhancing things, people and opportunities. But you will never find them unless you open yourself up to what or who is around the corner.
Know that Everyone Experiences Doubt and Fear
Everyone has fears and insecurities about change. Such doubts and apprehensions are normal. We have to learn to take positive action despite that angst. We need to address the fear instead of avoiding it. One way to do this is to make a list of what you fear about the changes in front of you. Then review the list and find at least one fear you can do something to ease and act on it.
As an example, a friend from the west coast recently made a career change that required a move to Atlanta. Despite many potential positives he was fearful about establishing roots and the potential change in his lifestyle. He faced that fear by exploring the multiple neighborhood cultures that Atlanta provides, first online and then touring them while visiting for initial work transition meetings. He liked what he found and went from being very apprehensive to arriving excited about exploring his new home and the positive fit he now anticipated.
Be Patient and Give Yourself Time
Major life changes require observing and adjusting to different external circumstances and your own internal reactions. Be patient with yourself. Give yourself time.
In a major new job expect to observe, learn and adapt over a few months before you will know well where and how you best fit. With the loss of a loved one, an accident or serious illness allow yourself time to be angry or grieve. Give yourself permission to seek comfort from available support groups or those close to you to laugh, reminisce or cry.
But being patient does not mean being idle. You can be patient in accepting major change while being active in reorienting yourself to your changed situation. Create a planned approach to recast yourself to your different circumstances. If you are struggling to do so use your support network to brainstorm strategies and steps you can take to be active in adjusting to the change. Start with small actions and build. Do not beat yourself up for false starts or stumbles. Hone in instead on the right choices and actions you have made and will make.
Recognize All Your Blessings That Have Not Changed
Can you eat a warm meal, take a hot shower, drink clean water or some other enjoyable beverage? Will there be a roof over your head tonight? If so, it is good to remind yourself of how “wonder full” most of our ordinary lives are. When a disheartening change occurs shower some appreciation on all your blessings that have not changed. Count them, focus on them, enjoy them.
And remember every time change arrives today, make it a point to say…
“Hi. I was expecting you”
…and intentionally smile at your wisdom.
Jim Bird
Publisher
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Quotes
“The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.”
“Three enemies of personal peace: regret over yesterday’s mistakes, anxiety over tomorrow’s problems, and ingratitude for today’s blessings.”
“Opportunities are like sunrises. If you wait too long, you miss them.”
William Arthur Ward (1921–1994) author, educator, motivational speaker and one of America’s most quoted writers of inspirational maxims.
If you’re lacking energy and are out of focus go outside for 15-20 minutes and take a brief walk or find a comfortable place to just sit (no electronics). Studies show that being outside can improve both your energy and focus as well as boost your immune system.